The Cycle

Losing, leaving, moving on...there is a progression of emotions, just like with death. I don't know the order of it all. I know one stage is anger. Looking through my posts, my anger stage was the first week of May. It really didn't last all that long. Looking over His anger stage from last year, I think it lasted 9 months. Not sure what that says about either of us. I suppose everyone is different. Or maybe I am indifferent.

I moved back into a sadness phase last night, while I was trying to fall asleep alone. It lasted 2 minutes, involved no tears, and ended with giggling. I think I fell asleep giggling, actually.

Because what am I sad about? What am I wishing would happen? It moves me back to my teenage relationships where it was just the idea of someone that was missed. Because what would have to change to ever make that relationship work? We would have to be two completely different people. Everthing about the past would have to be perfectly erased from memories.

There is nothing to be sad about. Person A and Person B should've always just been friends. Nothing about A or B was conducive for any relationship other than friends. And I thought that was the best part of our relationship...we WERE just friends first. And looking over what was best about our romantic relationship? Those things we had in common that could've always just been, well, a friendship.