A letter to my soon to be ex husband...

Dear You,

I am so relieved that you finally made the right decision to let me know you were done trying. It really is the best thing, because living with someone, trying to be intimate with someone (eventhough I'm not sure you know what that word means), all the while hating them is really not healthy for either party. I guess I don't understand how someone can do that, knowing that the other person is trying. Is sacrificing things for YOU. Is wanting things to work out very badly. What does someone tell themselves in order to do that?

I am really sad these days because I am starting to hate you too. It wasn't supposed to be this way. We were supposed to start over. And we were supposed to be THAT MUCH stronger, having weathered things. It turns out, I weathered them, so that you could get even. I guess I know which person will be the better one after all of this. Which one of us will have more broken places that have healed and become stronger (citation: David Wilcox).

It is just so hard to heal with you downstairs. But I suppose you know that, which is why you are there. Yes, there YOU ARE (citation: Friends episode--Ross's wedding to Emily). Please just go. You've really hurt me enough already. Isn't that what you wanted? I guess after all of the decieving, I really don't know, do I? You lied in so many ways. I know so little. Does that make me stupid? No. It makes you a liar.

Kristy

Addition: Can I just say that I have been doing this for a long time...writing letters that won't be sent or seen. With the evolution of the blog, it will probably be seen by someone, maybe not THE person it is to, but it just feels that much better to be honest to all, not just yourself. And if someone ever wants to post one of THEIR letters like this, bring it! It is cathartic.

In Case It Wasn't Obvious...

I'll spell out my feelings. I am angry today. Things haven't even happened, and I am already angry about the possibility that they COULD happen. It may be PMS, because I do get overly frustrated during that time...but this is just a whole lot of anger people!

I don't even know that NOT living in the same house would make this any better. I don't think it even matters where he is living or the fact that I make coffee everynight and he ends up drinking it too. Or that I unload the dishes after he has used some of them and put them in without rinsing. I swear, if all of that wasn't going on, I'd STILL be this angry.

Maybe if I vomit I'll feel better, because Lord knows it makes me nauseous. If only I had to a cat or dog that could poop in his shoes. Then I'd feel better.

Ways to Make Him Move OUT!

1. Get a dog.
2. Gangsta Rap while cooking and getting ready in the morning
3. Canceling the DirecTV
4. Canceling the TIVO!
5. Two Dogs
6. Letting the hot water run the whole time I am getting ready in the morning.
7. Sauteeing an onion a day.
8. Placing tuna under his bed.

Any other suggestions??

Who's Hungover?

I am! I am!

Two nights of eating for over 3 hours and drinking wine. I have finally found MY TYPE of people.

Now if only I could find someone to pay me to eat and drink, rather than it come from my funds, I'd be set!

Line up people! Come pay to see the amazing Kristy! It is money well spent! She eats, she drinks, you think she is done...but no! She is still picking at that calamari! Still wishing for another girly martini. Wait...she just might look at the dessert menu. Will she? Will she? Ohh, no! No room for dessert. I'm sorry folks, you may have to come back tomorrow and see if she splurges on the tiramisu or something with the word cake in the name.

Don't worry. I haven't turned to the whole bulimia thing...but it is tempting. (is it poor taste to joke about eating disorders? maybe)

Someone Slap Me Up Side the Head

I don't want my idiot ex to be the major topic of conversation from here until whenever. So if you are with me, and it is spewing relentlessly. Give me a nice firm whack. Now, try and stay away from the face region. And if you touch my nose, I may give you a forearm to the teeth.

Nuggets of Wisdom

These are from someone who claims openly that he is SO smarter than me.

1. "You found out about that AFTER I broke up with you, so it doesn't matter."
Apparently when you are married, you can still just, break up! Brilliant! I had no idea! So how about you take your 'broken' ass and get out of my FUCKING HOUSE!

2. "We weren't together. We were never really together."
Ah, so for the last 6 months, as I am "cleaving" to you and not speaking to my parents, we weren't together? Remind me again, what does "cleaving" mean?

3. "You act like you are leaving me."
Uh, really? And if so, so what? You sad you aren't winning the "Leaving Contest"? Pobrecito.

This is what He meant when he said arguing with his exwife was pointless. You can't argue with Crazy. Seriously.

How I know I am fine.

1. I had the worst night of sleep last night, with stressful dreams of Him wanting to get back together.

I woke up and just grinned; Thank God it was just a dream.

2. I had a massage and pedicure yesterday. After, I went to Whole Foods for dinner. I walked through the store, sampling cheese, perusing menus (sushi, french, and trattoria), and eyeballing salads, soups and pizza.

I decided upon the trattoria and a raspberry chicken salad and purchased a half bottle of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay. I read my book. I ate my salad. I chatted with the lady to my left. I chatted with the lady to my right. After she left, I chatted with two 50 something men who asked if I was reading a "dirty book". Good to know I've got the mid-life crisis guys, if I want them!

3. I am excited for tonight, cooking my dinner, watching some tivo, and possibly taking a jaunt through a park.

4. My friends are commenting about how happy I am.