For Posterity: The Pregnancy List!

Kristy's Reasons for No Babies
1. stretch marks
2. EPISEOTOMY (yes I was yelling)
3. linea negra (WTF is that?)
4. mucus plugs
5. pooping on the delivery table and/or baby (my cousin was shat on)
6. I like my boobs NOW
7. milk squirting when someone ELSE's baby cries
8. baby poo has been known to burst out of the legs of their diaper
9. boy babies can somehow end up PEEING in your mouth
10. I have a phobia of breastfeeding
11. they cry in tones my ear could not handle
12. vomit
13. the snot sucking thingy
14. I am selfish
15. I like to sleep
16. I like nice restaurants and shoot daggers out my eyes at parents who bring their crying children into restaurants so it would be hypocritical if I did it
17. Travel
18. I hate cartoons
19. I cannot go to a children music recital without rudely laughing at how bad it is (sorry Meghan)
20. college funds takes away from travel fund
21. Kid Car Insurance
22. your periods change (at least my mom "bleeds like a stuck pig"-my mom's words)
23. daycare
24. I couldn't wait 9 months to drink wine
25. I think episeotomy deserves another mention
26. The play area of Tuttle Mall and Polaris (evil; I call it hell)
27. Stepping barefoot on legos
28. Apparently you can grow hairs out your chin during pregnancy
29. Apparently you will lose your hair after pregnancy
I will end there. As this is the date of my birthday, this month. In May. Don’t forget. But I’ll keep reminding you weekly, don’t worry.